


He wanted to be a farmer, I think

by Leu (Karaii)



Series: Naruto rarepair generator [8]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Character Study, Child Soldiers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kirigakure | Hidden Mist Village, The Naruto world is fucked up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22295068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karaii/pseuds/Leu
Summary: The Hidden Village of Mist will chew you up and spit you out.(“We’re gonna make Water Country great again,” Zabuza says, and Kisame is reminded of Mei, of her unwavering love of the country Kisame has lost all loyalty to, and then Zabuza goes and says, “will you join us, Mr. Waterbottle?”He really is a charming piece of shit, Kisame thinks fondly.)
Relationships: Hoshigaki Kisame & Momochi Zabuza, Hoshigaki Kisame/Terumi Mei, Implied Juzo Biwa/Momochi Zabuza, Implied Kisame/Itachi and Haku/Zabuza
Series: Naruto rarepair generator [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1372372
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	He wanted to be a farmer, I think

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: Zabuza & Kisame
> 
> cw: implied sexual child abuse (Juzo Biwa to an underage Zabuza), canon major character death (Zabuza)

Kisame is the first to sniff him out among the mountain of corpses that litter the ruins of the Academy. It’s not hard for him: the closer he gets, the thicker the miasma of killing intent becomes. Like a cornered dog kicked too many times, the class-killer growls low in warning, black eyes wide and bloodshot.

A total runt, Kisame thinks disappointedly.

“Congratulations,” Kisame says instead, and drops a freshly pressed towel and a water bottle at the feet of the boy in question. “You are now officially the youngest ninja of the Hidden Village of the Mist.” He looks around gamely. “Seems like you’ll stay that way for a while, too, seeing as you killed all the competition.”

The kid is stiff and silent but clearly hungry. He scrabbles over for the water bottle and drowns it in a rush, his thin neck pulsating with every swallow.

“What’s your name, soldier?” Kisame asks conversationally.

“Don’t have one,” the kid rasps, revealing filed teeth. A bastard of some Hozuki, most likely.

“An orphan, huh…” Kisame looks at that emaciated body and does some quick mental math. “You’re not even an academy student, are you?”

"Nope." The kid has the audacity to flash him a sneering grin. “And now, no one is.”

“Hm,” Kisame says. “We might have a problem.”

–

They have a problem.

They’re at war with half the elemental countries and already bleeding soldiers faster than they can breed them, and now a whole generation of up-and-comings have been eliminated by an insolent upstart with no family to take the fall for it all. The Mizukage is, understandably, pissed the fuck off.

But maybe it’s a sign the runt’s gonna be destined for great things ‘cause he’s the reason the Mizukage finally does away with the Hidden Mist’s infamous graduation exam. Kisame’s not particularly glad of it – he killed his classmates and came out all the stronger for it, in his opinion – but he’s smart enough not to question it.

Then, shockingly, after ten years of ceaselessly hunting down those with a bloodline limit due to a failed coup composed of the very same, the Mizukage relents and orders that no further harm may come to them. Indeed, they are encouraged to reveal themselves and join the war effort. 

Terumi Mei-san’s ecstatic, of course, until the next order comes down the pipeline: all women of child-bearing age are to produce a child for the good of the country, effective immediately. She fucking hates it, but she loves her country more, so she asks Kisame if he’d do her the honour and he shrugs and says sure. They’ve had sex before and it was good so what if now it’s under orders?

(In the end, it’s a rotten way to find out she’s infertile.)

–

In retrospect, the runt’s probably spared for the same reasons. They can no longer afford to mindlessly kill their own, not with the rest of the world doing it for them. The Mizukage has Kisame interrogate him just long enough to beat the truth out of him: how had he done it?

“It was easy,” the boy had said, spitting blood. “I just convinced them all to kill each other.”

The kid’s got guts, if nothing else.

–

The Mizukage gifts him to Biwa Juuzo-san, after. To break, to eat, or to raise, it’s his call. Poor bastard.

–

The next time Kisame meets the kid, he’s been given the name Zabu, which, according to Juuzo’s hodgepodge kanji, appears to mean Failure. Despite the moniker, however, Juuzo seems to like the kid. Perhaps a bit too much, Kisame thinks, but he keeps that to himself.

“Well, if it’s isn’t Mr. Waterbottle,” the runt says, flashing a mouthful of teeth. “I never caught your name, big guy.”

“Hoshigaki Kisame,” he says. “Good to see you well, Zabu-san.”

“Hah! San!” The kid barks out a pleased laugh. “I like the sound of that!”

Juuzo promptly backhands him to the ground. “Mind your manners, boy! He’s Fuguki’s tool, a weapon of the Seven Swordsman.”

The kid spits blood like it’s a well practiced motion. “Just like I’m yours, huh?”

“He’s not housebroken yet,” Juuzo apologizes. “Orphans. You know how they are.”

Housebroken or not, Zabu’s a well honed weapon. He keeps up with them without complaint, and kills on command with no hesitation. At night, he retreats into Juuzo’s tent like a kunai would to a holster, sharp end first.

–

Being as they are both subordinates to two of the infamous seven Swordmen of the Mist, they see a fair amount of each other over the next couple of years. Zabu stretches out like ninja wire, thin and sharp and nigh unbreakable. His eyes gets sharper and crueler until all that’s left of that cocky-mouthed runt is his odd charisma, the very same that helped him convince a hundred little boys and girls to rip each other to pieces.

“Our country could be so much greater,” he says. “Don’t you think, Hoshigaki?”

Kisame eyes him carefully. To speak against the Mizukage is akin to suicide, and he himself has killed men for less. “What are you getting at?”

Zabu’s eyes glint oddly in the firelight. “The country of Wind is dry, infertile. The land of Earth, selfsame. But ours is rich with rivers and wetland. We eat each other for lack of food, when we could be feeding ourselves rice and barley.”

How the years have changed this street rat to a philosopher, Kisame does not know. But he finds it amusing, nonetheless.

“You wish to become a farmer, Zabu-san?”

The brat grins sharp and jagged. “Nah,” he says. “Tools don’t dream of anything.”

–

Then some fucking green-ass genin from the Leaf goes and kills six of the seven Swordsmen, rendering them an international laughingstock and blowing whatever prestige it was to wield those swords out of the water and into the frying pan, because now they’re a bleeding fish out at sea, and all the world’s a shark ready to devour them whole.

To make matters worse, Fuguki-san has the fucking indecency of surviving the ordeal long enough to betray them to the Leaf, so Kisame’s the very last to inherit his sword, and by that time, he’s already lost any such illusion about his country being in any way capable of becoming greater than absolute zero.

–

Zabu, now sole master of the massive Kubikiribōchō, officially adds a third kanji to his name that means He Who Beheads. Kisame wonders if it’s a petty way of forcing the whole world to address him with respect even if they don’t want to, because _Zabuzan_ sounds pretty fucking close to Zabu-san to his ears. He doesn’t say anything about that, though.

And when ‘Zabuza’ brings back a street rat he picked up from some godforsaken village and declares it his own personal tool, Kisame doesn’t say anything about that, either. Privately he thinks Juuzo would be rolling in his grave, if he had any.

Mei then lets it slip that Zabuza is planning a coup, gathering followers and inspiring rebellion. Kisame is surprised by how unsurprised he is, and wholly unengaged. Years ago his first gut reaction would’ve been violence, a dog trained to defend his Mizukage even when his master was fucking insane, but now his heart’s not in it. He just doesn’t give a shit.

Kisame doesn’t stick around to watch the fallout. He strikes a line through his headband and fucks off.

Mei’s devastated, of course, but she loves her country more, and it’s only by the grace of Samehada that Kisame makes it out alive. He wonders, as he leaves her bleeding, what their child would have looked like.

It probably would have died in the womb, Kisame thinks, and thinks on it no more.

–

They meet again as missing nin, years later. Zabuza’s coup failed and he left the country; Kisame left the country and joined a coup. How fate plays tricks on fools, Kisame thinks.

“Zabu-san,” Kisame says politely. “Good to see you well.”

Zabuza grins. “You too, big guy.”

Zabuza’s still being accompanied by his street rat, who he creatively named White Snow. The kid’s smooth where Zabuza is sharp, polite where Zabuza is rude, and is, overall, disgustingly saccharine with the man. And they’re clearly more than just a weapon to Zabuza, but Mist has never raised a child that knew how to love before they knew how to kill.

“Me and Haku are mercenaries,” Zabuza says. “For now.” He explains that they’re traveling around, gathering funds and followers across the elemental countries, with the ultimate goal of killing the mad Mizukage once and for fucking all. “We’re gonna make Water Country great again,” he says, and Kisame is reminded of Mei, of her unwavering love of the country Kisame has lost all loyalty to, and then Zabuza goes and says, “will you join us, Mr. Waterbottle?”

He really is a charming piece of shit, Kisame thinks fondly.

He doesn’t join them, but he does pledge his funds to Zabuza’s cause. And if he takes what payment Akatsuki gives him and deviates them to his old comrade in search of a better world, then no one has to know.

–

He hears of Zabuza’s death from his partner Uchiha Itachi. Apparently Itachi’s little brother and his team blew a hole through Haku’s heart and Zabuza died of heartbreak. The irony is not lost on Kisame.

“I am sorry,” Itachi says.

“Nah,” Kisame says. “We weren’t close.” Later, he says, “he wanted to be a farmer, I think.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
